Finding a Secular Parenting Community
The following is a guest post by contributor Hayley. We support the sharing of ideas relevant to humanism here on our blog, but the views expressed in any guest post do not necessarily reflect the views of Humanists of Linn County.
I’m a failed Catholic. I was raised Catholic, but like many, I questioned a number of the things that were “absolute” in the religion and was always left with more questions than answers. So it wasn’t a surprise that during college I officially made the mental leap from Catholic to non-religious and eventually to Secular Humanist. This new label had no real impact on my day-to-day life until I became pregnant and my Catholic family’s religious expectations started to rear its head. Shortly after announcing my pregnancy I began to deal with the questions regarding my religion (or lack thereof) and my baby’s baptism. I realized very quickly how important it will be to have a support network of other secular parents since leaving a religion can often make you feel isolated from a community you grew up in. Luckily, an opportunity presented itself that bought my husband and I some time to decide what was best for our little family.
Shortly after having my first child we decided to move internationally for my husband’s job. It was nice having the space from family to raise my child without being judged about our Sunday activities. It was also nice to find an open-minded, diverse, expat parenting community going through life experiences similar to my own. Most of the women I met were intelligent, world travelers with diverse backgrounds and religions. Their experiences taught them to accept differences rather than judge. And many, in fact, identified as either “Christian-light”, agnostic, or secular. I had found my parenting tribe!
Even though I loved my little expat community, I knew that we would eventually come back home to be closer to family once my husband’s work visa ended. Our children were 3 years old and 8 months old when we moved back to Iowa. I was sad to leave my little tribe, but I was also looking forward to finding a new group of parents that I could connect with. After settling into the new house, I did a quick Google search to see if I could find a parenting group that had similar characteristics to the one I had just left. When a few options popped up from the search I was eager to explore them, optimistic that I would quickly find my Iowa tribe.
Unfortunately, what I found were parenting groups that tended to have either overt or subtle Christianity as their common thread among members. When I asked other moms if they knew of secular parenting groups I’d either get an odd look or they would invite me to join their church group, since “it’s actually very welcoming”. I realized that many of these parents had no idea how awkward it can feel to be part of a group that you can’t be yourself in.
One group in particular that came highly recommended from local fellow moms wasn’t so much of a parenting group as it was a bible study group that provided a space for children to play. When I had asked one mother about if that group is open to secular parents her response was “Yes, it’s great! You really should join. It’s not religious that I can think of. Well I guess sometimes we do pray or discuss the bible together while the kids have playtime, but I don’t think of that as being too religious”.
Even though I grew up in this area, I realized that as a new, secular parent I felt isolated in this very homogeneous, Christian-centric community.
Eventually I decided that I couldn’t be the only secular parent in the area wanting to find other non-religious parents. After working with the Humanists of Linn County I decided to launch a local parenting group called Freethinking Families of Linn County. I quickly realized that finding other non-religious parents would be quite challenging, since we’re often inclined to keep our non-religious beliefs quiet. It took about a year of outreach and investigation (dare I say, some mild Facebook stalking?) to find a group of local, secular parents. Since then Freethinking Families has slowly grown and embraced being mostly an online support network that socializes and volunteers in the community when opportunities present.
Over the past few years, Freethinking Families of Linn County has become a welcoming, kind, and progressive group of parents supporting one another in the effort to raise their children in a non-religious environment. Although the group doesn’t meet as often as its religious parenting group counterparts, it has filled a much needed niche and continues to welcome new members who are also looking for their secular tribe.
-Hayley, Freethinking Families of Linn County Coordinator
Are you local to Linn County, Iowa and interested in joining our group? Click the link below to visit our Facebook page:
Freethinking Families of Linn County on Facebook
Or email:
freethinkingfamilies@hlcia.org
Are you curious and want to learn more about secular parenting? Check out Dale McGowen’s books Raising Freethinkers and Parenting Beyond Belief, or reach out to one of the admins on the Freethinking Families of Linn County Facebook page.
