We Cannot Reform Those We Hate

The following is a guest post by contributor Ross McIntyre. We support the sharing of ideas relevant to humanism here on our blog, but the views expressed in any guest post do not necessarily reflect the views of Humanists of Linn County.

We cannot win the trust of others while at the same time signaling contempt for them. If we do not have trust, we cannot see change. Trust is the only currency we have.

A concerned citizen is compelled to consider the perception by a greater “invisible” audience and cannot assume that the words and postures directed toward the legislature (who represents the public) will be effective with the individual public – or vice-versa. Those words will often be ineffective, and sometimes even corrosive.

People who are transitioning (or have transitioned) out of religious belief are often looking for “trustworthy” places to anchor their uncertainties. On the other hand, when dealing with legislatures, officials, and politicians, it is tempting to react in a confrontational way. Indeed, on questions of policy and law, there is often a need for a direct approach. However, since there is always a portion of the uncertain audience observing our actions, this should be attempted in a polite, sincere way. We aspire to be “good without a god,” remember? Who is the audience that will judge whether we are being “good?” (Hint: not the legislature.)

We might consider employing the “10:1 rule,” which states that we should listen ten times more than we talk. There are certainly times to “talk,” so we must attempt to “earn” that time. With officials and the legislature, we have “earned” that time almost by default, but individual members of the legislature or people of the general public do not necessarily perceive that.

An interesting bit of human psychology is that we are more inclined to trust someone who listens to us, rather than someone who has “many important things to say.” Officials, private individuals, and legislators (like teenagers) will usually hear the 1 thing we say, if they have been allowed to say 10 things. Whether we see action traceable to that conversation is not the point – the point is that trust has been built. We NEED that currency.

Think of the people who most influenced your life. Now, ask yourself, how many of them hated you? The same affection will be felt by everyone we reform. They might reform us, too.

The mission statement from the HLC website is as follows:

Our mission is to create an inclusive and vibrant non-theist community in Eastern Iowa through education, community outreach, and political activism in promoting secular humanism.

If we do not have trust, we may just as well go fishing – we are equally able to spend time and be happy.